Hi guys! Here I sit…at my computer…trying to write my third installment of “My Three Goals.” I’m having a wee bit of trouble. My third Goal is going to be a tough one and it has everything to do with “Trust.”
As a young girl growing up in the Deep South during the 60’s, my life was full of wonder. I lived on the most magical street a growing mind could ever hope for. Our house was right across the street from the town baseball field where my brother played his Little League games. I would sit in the stands eating boiled peanuts from a small paper bag, laughing with my friends and cheering my brother on. Although, I think I did more boiled peanut eating than cheering…if we’re going to be honest. The city’s only Recreation Center was next to the ball field. During the day and on weekends you could find my brother and me playing board games with other kids in the area. My brother and his friends played baseball, basketball and even attempted tennis at the courts behind the rec center. At night, especially on the weekends, the local high school students would hold dances there. It was a large place with glass from floor to ceiling on our side of the building. On dance nights, you could find us sitting on the ground outside right beside where the band was playing and just dancing away. The kids even took to bringing us in to be a part of the party. Sounds like a child’s dream come true. Well, it was…for me, but there’s more.
The local library was connected to the rec center. It’s where my love affair with books began. Every so often, the ladies that worked there would let me go through the books they were taking out of circulation. I would scoop them up in my arms and carry them home wearing the biggest grin on my face and giggling all the way. Of course, we never had enough room for all of those books in our house and, when I’d finished reading them, Mom would give them away. I always consoled myself with the knowledge that other children, just like me, would be excited to visit those exotic, far away and magical places just as I had. It’s the only way I could handle losing those treasured friends.
Next to the library was the local pool. Ahh…the pool. The place I wasn’t supposed to go to without my parents…and the place I learned to swim…without my parents knowledge or permission, or course. Yes, I was gutsy. I wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. Why should I be? In a child’s world, there’s no fear. Why I would even go into the local bar…during the day, of course…and the guy that owned the place would turn on the juke box (yes, I’m that old), give me and my brother a soda and let us hang out while he was cleaning the place up. I walked the ten minutes to school each day. Everyone did. We all played in the playground even when school wasn’t in session. The custodian would open these great big barrels of Stick Potatoes and let us have all we could eat. We went to puppet shows at the local high school, which was conveniently located right next to the elementary school I attended.
Those were the days when I trusted. Those were the days when I was brave…and happy. So very happy. Little did I know that in the next few years, I would lose my trust, my fearless attitude…and the happy would be few and far between. Little did I know that I would carry that loss with me into adulthood.
Now…I’m not actually going to tell you what happened for me to suffer such a great loss, but I can tell you that nine years ago I met some people that, at the very least, made the happy times more frequent and gave me back a little more courage.
The trust? I’m still working on that…which is why it’s one of my Goals. I’d like to be more trusting. I’d like to be able to believe someone when they say they love me. I’d like to be able to trust that the people that mean the most to me won’t leave me, abandon me, or throw me away. I’d like to trust that my best friends really do care and that everything is always going to work out for the best…for me. I joined this wild and crazy bunch of Success Freaks because I need the company of like-minds. I hunger for the positive reinforcement. I want to trust again. This team, this message, these struggles that we’re all going through together, and my circle of dear, dear friends…I need them all in order to learn to trust again.
While this goal may not be as positive and uplifting to some of you, it’s very positive for me. You see, admitting that I need to do this and making it one of my goals is a very positive step forward for me.
Until next time…
Love and laughter to all.