The burn you feel is from you fighting the process.
“No Pain, No Gain” is the biggest load of overused horse hockey I have ever heard. Do you know how many successes in my life people have tried to invalidate because they came easy to me? I bet in your life you have experienced some of these examples; “That was too easy so something is wrong,” or “If you have no problems then you are doing it right.” Shut up. Yeah, I mean you. I’m looking right at the inner voice that is repeating this crap to you, keeping you from owning your success. I am here as the “Dark Side of Positive” to destroy some of this lie that keeps you from being successful. And trust me – resistance is futile.
Let’s start with a pain-free existence that still somehow keeps you from catching your dream. Like the road to hell, this one started off with good intentions. It was designed to be a catchy phrase that motivates you to get past any pain you feel when the road gets rough. Don’t get me wrong, the road does get rough and you do have to find endurance to get through. But as a paramedic, I can tell you physical pain – real pain – is your body telling you that something is wrong. I find this to be true with God, the Universe, and Everything (42 paraphrased, yo!). Obscure references aside, if you are chasing your dream and you find it to be painful emotionally, financially, or any other -ly, then stop. SOMETHING IS WRONG. In my experience with success tough doesn’t equal pain. The toughest decisions have felt right and good.
People talk of sacrifice and my mind automatically puts that in a painful category. So I would seek out painful choices because I was told if it was easy it wasn’t success. But I never gave myself a chance to become a success because I gave up when the process became too painful. Since then I have learned that I don’t believe in sacrifice. Not one iota. I believe in owning the decisions I make and moving forward. It’s when I don’t own my decisions that my life “feels the burn”. And by burn, I mean stress.
As Mordant and I have taught many times through “Success Freaks,” what you think about you bring about. When your heart desires the dream, you will chase it whether you want to or not. You cause resistance by fighting the process. That’s like Fred Flintstone trying to stop his car while being towed by a Mack truck. You desire success but your inner messages are trying to stop you. You bring the stress in your life by not owning the decisions you made to chase the dream, or worse by not making any decisions at all and letting the universe drag you along. You have to stop fighting the process.
I have done this as well. I believe it is commonly called self sabotage. I will would “decide” to put effort (read time/money/energy whatever fits) into a project without thinking it through. I will would randomly pick something that seemed to move me forward to catching my dream, dive blindly into it, refuse to take responsibility for decisions, and/or just resist the process that I chose to take part in. I will would will ignore the obvious signs of impending speed bumps, get angry at any extra demand on my time, and overall never actually commit to or own the decisions necessary to achieve my goals. I corrected myself a third time because, to be honest, I feel like I still do this one sometimes. In short, I cause the pain/stress in my life by resisting my own decisions. And as I said before – resistance is futile.
Owning the decisions means being focused on a definitive goal, being educated on what it takes to reach that goal, being flexible in the process to adjust your actions to reach your goal, and committing to the process. And for the English majors out there – the tense of the verb “owning” tells you a universal truth – it’s a present action. That means if you want to reduce stress and become so natural at success that it’s easy, you have to actively participate.
Success feels good. Failure feels bad. See how simple the concept is? Yet we choose to complicate the issues. By adding layers and messages about how it should be, we cause friction on the path and stress in our lives. Truth is always simple. If the most powerful force on the planet (water) follows the path of least resistance, why do we insist on finding the most painful path? Choose to own your decisions, commit to the course laid out, be aware of your goals &changing situations, and be flexible enough to change directions as needed. Resistance is futile, but the pain it causes can severely damage what success you may achieve.
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