Check out Mordant & McFall’s first official appearance on Blab.IM! We started out with some topic ideas and then just let the conversation take its course. It was a very fun time with a slight lag at points. Meeting new people and introducing ourselves to the community proved to be an enlightening and entertaining time.
If this is your first foray into an article written by me, then stop now. You are coming in mid-story and I can’t afford a good editor and voice-over guy to give you a “previously on” moment. So please find The Motorcycle Story Pt. 1 to really get this right.
Raise your hand if you believe in the Law of Attraction (LOA). Now raise your hand if you actually have stories to confirm your belief. The thing with faith is, unless you have tangible breadcrumbs to look back on, at some point you start to question your path. Not only do you need confirmation in your own life that what you believe is indeed true, but when you are learning from or following teachers, you need confirmation from their lives that what they are teaching is true. The saying goes, “Those who can’t – teach,” but that is a load of crap. Have you ever truly learned something from somebody that couldn’t do what they were telling you? I have finally lived long enough and paid enough attention that I now have some solid law of attraction stories. This one is the motorcycle story.
As I sit in front of my computer screen with time on my hands, I have chosen to write instead of playing Borderlands 2. When I don’t have time I truly desire to write. I have many sections left in the new book I am working on, a commitment to the newsletter each month, and a strong desire to put out a blog post each week. Why is it that when you are inspired, you never have time? Now I have the time and energy and I find myself drawn to the Xbox. I have chosen to write because I need to. I need to practice the self discipline. I need to build the habit of putting words to virtual paper to build the skill of being able to do it whenever I can. And because I hear Mordant’s voice in my head saying, “Dude.” I would rather be habitually creative than habitually lazy.
I have four children. Yes, I do know how they get made, and no, I don’t need another hobby. Thanks for those fresh insights, though – I appreciate the sentiment. When my first child was born, everything was either head knowledge or all new experiences. You are given so many opinions about what to do as the baby is coming, from so many well intention-ed people – but without the experience to balance it, you really have nothing to go on.
Pain and stress always come before the new life
I am personally going through some transitions this year that are scary and Awesome at the same time. My wife is pregnant with our fourth child so you will be getting many a birthing metaphor in this article. My company Success Freaks has taken my life to new levels over and over again already this year. I realized somewhere in the process that 2013 is the year in which the way my finances comes to me changes. And to be honest, I don’t know what that means. I see all the signs that a major life change is coming and that is what I am going to share with you.
The burn you feel is from you fighting the process.
“No Pain, No Gain” is the biggest load of overused horse hockey I have ever heard. Do you know how many successes in my life people have tried to invalidate because they came easy to me? I bet in your life you have experienced some of these examples; “That was too easy so something is wrong,” or “If you have no problems then you are doing it right.” Shut up. Yeah, I mean you. I’m looking right at the inner voice that is repeating this crap to you, keeping you from owning your success. I am here as the “Dark Side of Positive” to destroy some of this lie that keeps you from being successful. And trust me – resistance is futile.
Finding the right challenge for success.
Have you ever been to a place or an event and thought “I can do that way better?” I do that with almost every church I have set foot in. Until now..but more on this later. First you need a little background to make the story interesting.
I grew up the son of a preacher man in the Southern Baptist flavor of religion. Most of the churches I grew up in were small and well-meaning. This translates to if there was anything new to be done, someone in my family had to do it. Because of this, I became adept at solving problems. If you needed old equipment to work, give me a bit and I can fix it. Did you want to try something new and interesting – I will figure out how. During this process, church became all about what I could do.
On the flipside, I never had any freedom to figure out who I was – much less learn how to express myself. See, when you grow up as the preacher man’s #1 son, everyone has an opinion on who you should be. Every action had judgement coming, and every misstep was not only an offense to the people of the church, but also a slight to my family’s reputation.
So I spent most of my time and energy being the best at everything. I could set up the sound system, revamp the computer, direct the choir, lead the praise team, and speak from the pulpit on occasion. I was the jack of all trades, and contrary to old wives’ tales I was a master at most. As I grew into physical adulthood and as I searched for who I truly was – well as they say old habits died hard.
I would find a church that seemed different from others. And to be fair, each was a shade or degree different than the last. So as I searched, I did get slowly further away from what I had known. However, the habit was I would go in looking to be accepted, and to a point I would be. Then I would find a way to “plug in,” which is easily translated to “find a job to do.” And then my natural skills and talents kicked in and I would either outshine the pastor, I would be too aggressive in my forward thinking, or you can put any number of thoughts here that represent people not really wanting to change or truly take the scary path of seeking truth. The third strike would often start kicking in shortly there after.
In gaining some acceptance for a part of who I was, and then gaining praise and admiration for what I could do, I would inevitably show more of the bear to people. In one case, I would lay open my heart and soul with the fear and angst of my shaky marriage, my then-uncontrollable issues with my family, and my general pain against the world. And as good Christians do – they ran like scared picnickers (Yogi Bear reference yo!) It was there that I did receive one piece of good advice from a strong Christian man: seek counseling. That was the last church I went to for many years.
Now the “I can do that better” played a part in many of these stories. You see, when we as humans are damaged, we tend to hide behind the actions that make us feel better. Like a pastor will “be strong” for his flock or in general lack content in his presentation because he is afraid to show us who he was. When I would start to feel shut out or belittled, I would show them how to get things done. I have always been good at connecting with people and some have said I am a natural born leader. Not a good bear to have when you want to feel good about “how good you are at what you do.” Because I can usually do it better. I have done “The church thing” since I can remember, was damaged by Christians at the age of 12, and have been working the game since then. So yeah, I am better at you in almost all aspects of “doing the job.”
Anyway, that brings me almost to where I started this article. In the years away from church I committed myself to seeking truth and to find out who I was without the shackles of who I was told I should be. I spent so much blood, sweat, and tears on myself, and it was worth it. It was a long road and at some point my wife and I determined we both had a desire to find a church. Now I told you all that story to get you to understand it wasn’t an easy decision to make. I had been safe to heal and work on myself, but in returning to the church I would be facing decades of habits and demons that I didn’t know how to face. But by this point I had learned to trust myself and my wife – so we moved forward.
There were many a church service we would try, and the short story is I always found something I could do better. Until I found the “Church in the Now.” My wife had attended this church as a teenager for many years and wanted me to give it a try. I avoided it for different reasons until I quit kidding myself. See, in seeking out a place to grow we had put together a priority list of why we were seeking a church. CITN fit these priorities, so to be true to my path I gave it a shot.
I can tell you it wasn’t love at first sight. It took a few different tries over a year or so before this relationship took. But something that remained true throughout this process was this … the ability to disappear. The tech team didn’t need me, the praise team was out of my league, and the bishop could lead me like no one else in this world has been able to. I found myself for the first time in my life not wanting to do anything to participate. I was truly there to get what I came for and leave. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. Ever. I didn’t know the first name of anyone, I never interacted with the events offered, and I grew and fed and healed like never before.
Now that isn’t the moral of my story. If you recall three days ago when you began reading this long article I started with – I could do better until now. In the last 6 months my wife and I came to a place in our relationship with the church that it was now time to give back. It was time to get involved because they needed us, but not in the job kind of way. But again I have to tell this slightly backwards.
Recently the habit of seeing people in the seats kicked in. Basically all speakers want butts in their seats to speak to. I am a speaker, so as I get involved my mind starts tracking the empty seats as a habit. During the first three months of 2013, attendance dropped and it concerned me. Wrongfully, mind you – I was allowing myself to worry about things that had nothing to do with me. Anyway, recently in one of the services where it was emptier than what I expected to see, I had an epiphany. The Bishop was speaking on parents bragging about their kids and how that was great. Then he started speaking about specific families in the church and the successes their kids were achieving. That clicked in my mind with the success I had seen in many of the dedicated adults there, and what I was seeing in my own life.
I realized that I was part of a successful group. That here, bigger and badder were the norm. I was surrounded by a small but driven group to be better. I am challenged, energized, and driven to fulfill all four of the keys to our phrase: Bigger, Badder, Better, More. That’s why my wife and I have been attracted to become more involved. We are not working – we are rowing with the team to become stronger. Here I cannot do it better than anyone else. What I can do is dig deeper to find out more of who I am. Here I can level up my life and it not only is celebrated – it is the norm.
If you find yourself unpassionate, unchallenged, and only in your church (or other volunteer group situation) out of duty or “responsibility,” then quit. Quit lying to yourself that only you can do that one job. Find passion, seek love, chase down the life that brings you energy – grab that tiger by the tail and hold on with everything you have.
If you don’t know how to start, or you just want to see what moves me, then tune in Sunday mornings 11am E and/or Wednesday nights 7pm E to my church. Stop wasting your life – find something that moves you today.
As I promised I am writing this article to dig deeper into what I shared in my Youtube video. As I shared, I recently achieved a new level of enjoying life’s experiences. For my wife’s birthday, her mother took us to Medieval Times. It is a castle-shaped restaurant that features an awesome show of jousting, fighting, and general kightly stuff. Google it. This is one of the times I was fortunate to have had a close-minded experience to compare to.
When my wife and I were engaged her family took us to Medieval Times. It is a bit pricey and I felt bad that I could “never afford to do this for us.” So instead of enjoying the show, I saw people sitting in better seats and wanted what they had. I saw many shiny things in the sword shop that I couldn’t afford and had to have them. Side note – I bought my first sword on credit there and regretted it. I totally missed the experience of everything, showed myself to, in the best of terms, make bad decisions, and took away from my wife’s experience.
And yet here I am, actively giving advice on my show Success Freaks and one-on-one through Wizperts.com. Isn’t this a paradox? Maybe it doesn’t make sense to the world around us but it’s the truth. And that is what you need to hear right now. You know deep inside that there are no magic answers, that no one else can feel your pain like you do, and that no matter how great the advice is you will wake up tomorrow and still feel like your world is collapsing. I can’t help you with that…
However, I am listening. I am sitting here letting you know you are not alone in this world. I am here to remind you that tomorrow is a new day, that you have hope that it’s a better day than today, and above all else that you matter enough that I will take your call. To me that is the bottom line. You need someone to remind you that you do matter. I can do that.
At the darkest moment of my life I was so stressed from my work and my marriage I emotionally lost all control. I felt my grasp on stability slipping away and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I ended up freaking out, screaming, losing it all, and ended up under a table reeling from the explosion in my soul. At that moment I needed someone to tell me it was ok. I reached out to coworkers and they advised I seek help. I needed to hear that it would be ok, so I reached out to my friends and got left in the dark. I needed to hear it would be ok and went to the hospital. No one ever told me it would be ok. [Read more…]
From The Newbie Writers Blog:
“Newbie Writers Podcast welcomed Charles McFall of Success Freaks Podcast. We met at the New Media Expo in Las Vegas and I invited him to speak on the show.
Here is just a small sample of his advice:
Your steps to Voodoo What You Love
1. Realize that you are responsible for your own happiness.
2. Choose your destiny – or at least a destination.
3. Create a Roadmap
4. Layout actionable steps
5. Carpe Vida – Seize your life
“Now go do that voodoo that you do…so well!” ~Harvey Korman as “Hedly Lamarr” in “Blazing Saddles”~
Great show and a great guest, check out their pod cast!
Charles is the one in the helmet”
Listen to the podcast here!
They say home is where the heart is; wherever I may roam where I lay my head is home; home – where my music’s played, home – where my love lies waiting silently for me; and of course where we tell mama I’m heading. Yeah, I am a bit of a music nut sometimes – if you don’t get the references, Google it.
For most I suppose home is family, where you grew up, and to where you return. And yet for most of us, where we are is not where we live. We stay in a place of perpetual stress, death grips on what we hold most dear and no real hope or vision of change. Except that is only a limited perception of where we are. I hope to show you this month how I transitioned from that state of being, I call it a “broke (as in no money) mentality,” to where I am now – of living in the excitement of seeing “the dream” draw more into reality.
First let’s be clear about the “broke mentality.” Where we are in this area of life is we have managed to attract some value into our lives. In a recent speech I gave, I had a volunteer stand up, had her hold a doll representing a husband, then a few cookie monster toys to be the kids, a vacuum to represent maintaining a home (no I wasn’t being sexist – I actually planned to grab a male volunteer), money, and car keys. As you can imagine her hands were very full and her instructions were to hold on tight and don’t let go. Then I pulled a cell phone out of my pocket and said “life is calling – catch.” The crowd reaction was awesome as I tossed the phone through the air at her and unfortunately for me she caught it without dropping anything. My intention was to show that as we have a death grip on what little value we have now, we have no room to grow. And, when life throws us a curveball, everything falls apart.
I went on to explain that the reason we as humans fail to reach the goals we set is because we are trying to arbitrarily add to the pile of things we are death gripping – yeah I just made that a verb yo! When we live like this, we are always pulled in too many directions, never feeling valued or satisfied, constantly worried about losing what little we have, and are always saying no. As I saw the heads in the room nodding in agreement, I knew it was time to explain where we really live.
All of us have a passion inside. We have something in our lives that attracts us above and beyond anything else. For some it’s sports, the kids, the vehicles, but for me it’s communicating & helping others be awesome. This is where we truly live no matter what we hold dear. I have made many a bad decision to ignore my wife because I lost track of time talking with someone and helping them. I have also tried to stifle this love and only pay attention to her (and the family later in life) only to be miserable and to make her so as well. The balance I had to find was to always communicate and help others. I couldn’t put it all into work, the show, or friends and not be able to do it the same or more in my “home.” Once I gave the same energy and effort into my “home” – basically lived it with my wife, family, and myself – everything changed.
Over the last five years I have slowly but surely refined how I utilize my passion. I started off doing a small podcast that grew into a community of shows and hosts. At the same time I learned lessons on how to use that passion to better my marriage and be a better father. You see, the general mistake I was making – and I feel most people make – is that I sent my talents one way. That was out over the airwaves, and that made my wife feel left out and ignored. I realized that to truly follow my heart I needed to live it – and that is where home is. I had to realize that I was “doing” a show that competed with my attention for my wife, my kids, and my work. I couldn’t ignore the internal conflicts anymore. Through the year of 2012 I struggled with this concept – the ultimate resolution being I had to let go of something good in order to get something better. By letting go of the Bear Crawling Nation and a few other things not only willingly, but also happily, I did more than free myself up to chase my dream. I discovered that once I stopped “doing” and started living, things like “spending money on a stupid hobby” changed to ways & means appearing to us (my wife and I), allowing me to do things that could never have been done before.
I just returned from the New Media Expo which was an impossibility. Not only was it costly for a “hobby” I knew it would never fly with the wife. Yet she ended up being the one pushing me to go, finding ways to make it happen, and ultimately forcing me into the reality of what happens when you live your passion.
Before May of 2012 I was holding tight to the outlets I had built for my passion while trying to hold tight to the family, work, etc. That was a recipe for disaster, and little disasters came often enough. But, through first living the passion at home, my whole world opened up. So, I hope you see that where you are right now isn’t where you really live. We all want to feel relaxed, stress free, and to say yes more than no. What we have to do is live what we want in order to achieve it. As my wife and I say now “when it’s right we say yes. Then we allow the universe and God to bring it to us.”
Home for me is my passion. It’s not a place, or even a set of people. Home is where I come alive, shine like a rock star, and truly gain join by giving to others. As I now live everyday out of my love of communication & “helping others be awesome,” my life changed seemingly overnight at NMX. I could go on and on with the details of my adventures, the deeper meanings of what happened there, and how for me it was truly a dream come to life. And truly, I set out to write this article based out of what I experienced there. But really, there is only one phrase that can sum up what the New Media Expo means to me:
Email me your thoughts and stories: Charles@theothersideoflive.com